A Royal Love StoryBy: Princess Diya Kumari of Jaipur
This whole tamasha over my marriage is making an issue of a non-issue.
I have not been brought up like a pampered princess. Yes, in Jaipur and for the rest of the world, I do have the title of a princess, but my upbringing was like that of any other child. This whole tamasha over my marriage is nothing but people trying to make an issue out of a non-issue. I am surprised, completely taken aback in fact, with this kind of reaction. It is totally out of tune with our life and times. Who I decide to marry is a personal decision, I don't see how and why it should affect anybody else.
I am not going to bow down to any of the threats I have been receiving. It is my life and I have every right to do as I please with it.
I was only 16 when a royal family sent a rishta for me
In fact, I remember I was just 16 when one of the royal families sent a rishta for me. It's quite customary to get engaged at that age and get married later. But my parents were good enough to insist that I was too young even for an engagement. That does not go to say that they have never stopped me from anything. They have given me advice from time to time. |
Being a princess did have had its advantages. For instance, I got to meet a host of celebrities whom most people get to see only on the telly or read about in newspapers. The celebrity I enjoyed meeting the most was Princess Diana. I was 14-15 then and was totally bowled over by her and Prince Charles. She was quite something. She had a certain power -- call it charisma or whatever -- that instinctively drew people to her. I had taken her around Jaipur. She was so fascinated by Indian women, very struck by their eyes in particular. I still remember her words. She had looked directly into my eyes and said, 'You Indian children have such lovely eyes. Your eyes speak of innocence and charm.' She herself was extremely gracious. I still remember, when, just before her departure, my mother presented her with a parting gift wrapped in a traditional Jaipuri sari. Instead of handing it over her lady-in-waiting, she clutched it back all the way to the aircraft. It's probably this warmth in her and her ability to make you feel special that people found so endearing.
I've been made out to be a spring chicken of sorts who knew nothing about men before I met my husband
I dislike the way the media just assumes things. I've been made out to be a spring chicken of sorts, who knew nothing about men before I met my husband. Well, that's not true. Yes, I do come from a family that has given me a sheltered upbringing, but I was never stopped from making friends or going out. My parents entertained a lot, as a result of which I did get the opportunity to meet people and make friends. Like any normal girl, I went through my share of heroes and heroines and teenage crushes.
I was 18 when I first met Narendra Singh Rajawat (her husband). He is not the 'erstwhile cashier' of the palace nor was he my ADC or chauffeur who took me shopping as the media has alleged. All that is bosh and nonsense! I really fail to understand how people come up with just anything, however absurd that might be. My marriage might be the proverbial fairy tale romance but my husband is not exactly a pauper! He is, if I may be allowed to say, a chartered accountant and runs his own construction business. And all that talk of my parents having given him huge sums of money to construct houses so that he is not a social embarrassment in untrue.
We met way back in 1989 when my father had been asked by the late Rajiv Gandhi to contest the elections from Jaipur. Narendra's father, Thakur Budh Singh, comes from one of the small Jaipur thikanas -- Sawai Madhopur. He had been one of the many people helping in the campaign. My husband, since he had graduated in commerce and was pursuing his chartered accountancy, joined the accounts section in the S M S Museum Trust just so he could enhance his knowledge base and get some experience. He served in the department for three months which was where I met him.
The first time we met was at the palace. He had come over for some work and since I too was helping out with the accounts, I had asked him to chip in with some of the calculations I was tackling. We got talking and I found that I really enjoyed talking to him. |
What appealed to me about Narendra was his simplicity and sincerity. He came across as being very considerate and caring -- qualities that you rarely find in Indian men. It is one thing to assume and assert yourself as an understanding and emancipated male but it is actually only a handful of men who have that kind of mental framework.
It was certainly not love at first sight or anything like that in our case. I don't believe in love at first sight. It was only after three months, when he left, that I realised I wanted to meet him more often. We would meet, whenever he was in Jaipur, at a common friend's place.
Up to this time it was just a very nice, strong friendship. It was only when I accompanied my parents on a trip abroad, when I missed him unbearably, that I realised things went deeper than a mere friendship. I wanted him to be with me always. That was when I realised how serious my feelings for him were.
When I told her about Narendra, mum was shocked and quite upset too.
She wanted me to get married into a set-up similar on the one I was brought up in and was probably even sure I would get over him, for she did not tell my father about it.
But I did become a little more cautious after this and we were very careful about where we met. We'd always try to meet outside Jaipur, generally in Delhi. We visit Delhi very often as we have a house there. So whenever I was in Delhi, I used to meet him at a friend's place. His parents too got to know about us only recently and when they did, they were, I believe, just as appalled as my mother was. They, in fact, even reprimanded Narendra for getting involved with me.
After I had told my mother about Narendra, I did go through my share of guilt pangs. I did feel that I had in some obscure way let them down. That's what happens when you are an only child. You do have a certain responsibility and anything that makes a your parents unhappy sets you off on a guilt trip. I did not really want my parents to be unhappy on my account so I did try to get over him.
My parents introduced me to people whom they thought were right for me. I did meet many men. I must say they were all wonderful guys and I didn't have anything against them except for the fact that I just wasn't interested in anyone else.
When you are faced with a situation like this, the turmoil, the struggle just gets too much at times. Your heart and your instincts are totally obtuse to what your brain says.
Though I did understand and appreciate my parents' concern, there were times when I literally wanted to bang my head against the wall, just shake some sense into everybody's head -- after all, I am not a child. I am a woman who has her basic sensibilities intact. Surely, I have some idea as to what and who is right for me.
We decided that if we stopped talking to each other, give one another some space, things might just fizzle out...
Still, I did try to get over my relationship with Narendra. God, how I tried! I even broke off with him for about six to seven months. We decided that if we stop talking to each other, give one another some space, things may just fizzle out. But then, that was not to be. The fact is, I was in love with him and I wanted to marry him. Those six months were hell. I used to do all sorts to stupid things like making blank calls to him just so I could hear his voice. I think back now and feel so stupid! Finally, one day, I got more than fed up and I just could not bear being away from him anymore, so I called him up.
We got married without informing our parents
By 1994, I had reached the end of my tether. We had been with each other for six years. And six years is no joke. Since my parents still harboured the hope that I'd somehow get over him, I decided it was time we did something rather that wait for our parents to come to a conclusion which might never be. For how long could we keep waiting? We had a commitment towards each other and both of us felt it was time we honoured it. So we went in for an Arya Samaj wedding in 1994. Later, we even got the marriage registered in court.
Initially, we decided that, after the wedding, we would tell our parents and convince them that we were sure of ourselves. But before we could do so my father, who was posted in Brunei those days as the high commissioner, suffered a stroke. Mother and I were immediately flown to Brunei and thereafter to Singapore, where he was hospitalised for a while. My father later returned to India with us. He was to resume duty after a year of recuperation.
When we returned to India, I told mum and dad very firmly that this was the person I wanted to marry. To agree to that or not was their wish, I had made my choice.
However, I had still not told my parents that I was already married. I kept it a secret for two years and those two years were nothing short of being a nightmare. Not just because I was hiding such a vital fact, but I also found the torture of living away from my husband, knowing fully well that we had the right to be with each other, unbearable. We wanted to live together but what could we do? I could not ditch my parents just when they needed me the most -- at a time when my father was recovering. Besides, the doctor had advised us not to upset dad.
Finally, it was only in November, 1996, that I actually got around to telling my mother that I was married. My husband was getting impatient. He naturally doubted my sincerity since I was not telling my parents. And it is not as if his side of the family was thrilled by the prospect. They were rather annoyed with him when he broke the news to them. They have a lot of regard for my father and the family, so his father was horrified that his son had fallen for me! |
A couple of months later, in January, 1997, mum told my dad that I was married. When I told my parents that Narendra and I were already married, they were more hurt than furious
Thankfully, after that first about of anger, my parents did come to terms with the fact that I had already chosen my life partner and were understanding enough to see my point of view. What would I have done if my parents had refused to accept us? Well, perhaps I might have waited for some more time and then would have broken away from them. After all, Narendra and I are husband and wife and my husband was earning enough to support us
I get threatening calls everyday
Narendra and I were publicly married on August 6, 1997. It was basically a family affair. We did not invite too many people as it was put together at very short notice but still there were 250-300 people present Relatives from both my father's and mother's sides, relatives from the royal families of Jodhpur, Kishangarh, Nahan, Sonepur, etc. Also present were the Scindias, Dr. Karan Singh and his family, my close friends, my parents' close friends. People from the thikana families of Jaipur such as Sewar, Samode, Bissau, Barwara and others. We had a formal reception after that.
And, ever since, we have been receiving all sorts of threats from people we know and those we don't. In fact, we had started receiving threats immediately after the wedding date was formally announced in Jaipur -- mainly from this Narendra Singh Rajawat, ironically, my husband's namesake, and his henchmen -- telling us that we will be harmed, that they will send suicide squads. They have threatened to kidnap my husband and me and to not let us enter Jaipur. This same Narendra Singh and his wife has promised to help me when they met me last year!
Narendra Singh Rajawat is the working president of the Rajput Sabha while my father is the permanent president. But that does not give Rajawat the right to ostracise anyone or to make the kind of statements he is making. I still recall clearly, they had asked me about my involvement with my husband and had asked me if I wanted to marry him. When I replied in the positive, they asked me if my parents knew about what was happening. I told them that I had not yet revealed the facts to my parents as I did not know what their reaction would be.
Narendra Singh had then assured me that he would 'handle the rest of the Rajput community' provided I got my father to agree to the marriage. He even told me that the marriage was fine as we were both not related to each other over generations. And now he has the gall to barge into my father's office and tell my mother to convert to Islam in order to conduct the wedding! And that's not all, before leaving my father's office on August 27, he went into the ADC's office and told them 'now you see what I can do'! He even told one of them that if my father adopts Jai Singh's (my father's stepbrother) son Ajit Singh and gives him the title, everything will be all right. If my father were to do, so it would mean that the title and the wealth to which I am the rightful heir will all have to be divided between him and me, as per the Hindu succession act. Why should dad adopt anybody?
Narendra Singh Rajawat even threatened that he would blacken our (my husband's and mine) faces if my father does not step down. The President of India recognised my father as the Maharaja of Jaipur, so who is he to dethrone him? He is absolutely no authority at all! And all that talk of blackening our faces -- in this day and age such talk is shocking. I mean, is my marriage the prime issue facing the community today? There have been instances where girls have really been harassed -- they have been driven to their death. Why don't they do something for those girls? There has been a rape in Jaipur for heaven's sake! Do something about that. Have any of them done anything apart from sitting at home and merely wondering at the injustice of it all?
Traditions cannot rule your life. |
These same people who have vented so much negative energy can channelise their energies into something more beneficial. And if my affairs are all that concern them, then I say this -- if I have done anything that is not according to the law of the land, then by all means prosecute me. But I have not committed a crime and, secondly, I feel Narendra Singh Rajawat must have some vested interest. There is no other reason I can attribute to his behaviour. This is a man who says he will support me one minute, says no the next and makes an issue out of nothing.
My father is the head of the Rajput community in Jaipur. Nobody asks him what they should do when it comes to their private lives. So what gives them the authority to interfere in his private life or be concerned about what his daughter is doing? Within the Rajput community , there have been so many inter-caste and sagotra marriages, so why pick on me?
Besides, sagotra marriages are allowed. My husband and I do belong to the same gotra -- he is a Rajawat and my grand-father was adopted from a Rajawat thikana. But we are not blood-related. As for breaking tradition, yes, I do believe traditions must be followed and kept alive. But traditions cannot rule your life. They change with times. Having more than one wife was a Rajput tradition, but can anyone do it today? I honestly never imagined that they'd make such an issue of it all. One of Narendra Singh Rajawat's henchmen, Kamlendra Singh, has faxed a threat to us, one of them threatened to kidnap us and bring us dead or alive and one man insists that we should remain celibate and not have children! It is ridiculous.
I am sure there is much more to all this than meets the eye.
And the best part of it all is that it is just these few people who are creating the whole hungama. The jagirdars of Jaipur and the prominent Rajputs are least affected. They have been ringing us up to tell us that they do not support all this.
All these threats had me rather stupefied at first. But I am determined not to cower down. What I do with my life is my own business and nobody else's. I am not some poor little rich girl who can't live her life the way she wants to and I will not let a handful of people turn my life topsy-turvy. They want to keep us out of Jaipur and I will make sure that they don't succeed in their motive. My husband and I plan to stay at the palace itself as all my work I there. As for the people who want me ostracised -- let them do what they want. I have been patient in the relationship for the sake of my family and, now that I have my man and my family by my side, I refuse to be daunted by these people.
